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Homer no function beer well without.

Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.” Inflammable means flammable? What a country.

Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk. I hope I didn’t brain my damage. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico? And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.

  1. Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!
  2. Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
  3. Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish!

I didn’t get rich by signing checks.

Save me, Jeebus. Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.

  • Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
  • You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
  • Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”

No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity.

The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico? Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.

This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.” When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.

Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Homer no function beer well without. Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!